As I continue to wrap up my blog, I’ve realized that my recent posts might be hard to follow and/or make contradictory statements. My first reaction is to edit them, clean them up into a more concise format, or present them in some other way that is easier to follow. On the other hand, I’m getting tired of saying the same things over and over again. I’m tired of constantly explaining myself and clarifying myself to everyone else. Not only does the subject matter of this blog require examination from different viewpoints, I’m not in the business of spoon feeding people anymore. I think women who reject misogyny will understand perfectly what I’m saying and why I might have conflicting feelings/viewpoints about it. Not that the subject of misogyny is just about my personal feelings, indeed misogynists don’t care how any woman feels about their abusive attitude. All they care about is what they can get out of women, whether we’ll serve their needs or make them feel better about the general shittiness of everyday Patriarchy. Misogyny is a one way street where women are expected to give and give and give while everyone else takes without conscience.
This became even more clear to me some months ago when I finally got around to reading some very old feminist tracts that inspired me to do my own analysis of biological sex. In the end, I reached a similar conclusion Shulamith Firestone reached that misogyny is a product of biology as much as it is a product of society. However unlike Shulamith Firestone, I don’t think it’s just the division of labor that did us all in, but the experience of reproductive biology itself.
Consider this: every person’s first experience with the female body is 100% parasitic beginning in the womb where our most basic understanding of “woman” is a resource of nourishment and warmth. This experience of taking from our mother’s bodies for our own benefit is visceral, involuntary, and absolutely universal to every person that ever existed. Our development in early infancy reinforces this perspective, and our growing brains continue to associate the idea of our mothers as a resource for our personal benefit. This is repeated every time we are fed, washed, changed, held, and interacted with by our mothers. Human beings also have an extended childhood compared to other animals, and this prolongs the time we “feed” off of our mothers, reinforcing the attitude that it’s women who should solve all our problems and make hunger, pain, and discomfort go away.
“We” as a species are literally unable to experience women as complex people with their own problems and their own issues until later in life when our brains are developed enough to understand. Even then, there’s a large segment of people who go around like the walking wounded who spend their entire lives hating their own mothers because their mothers didn’t give them what they felt entitled to at some point in their lives. Such angry entitlement is then extended to all women, whether they are mothers or not, since our mothers are our default experience with femaleness.
Is it then not logical to conclude that all people are misogynists, by fault of both basic biology and a male dominated society that enables our deepest infantile attitudes towards women? Since neither men nor women can be trusted to view women as human beings, then no one is ever truly safe for women to be around. Therefore, a decreased proximity to absolutely everyone is necessary to reduce the amount of misogyny in everyday life. Misanthropy is a logical response to being treated like a host for parasites, in fact it might be the only logical response to it. If feminism/separatism is a logical response, then why are women still expected to put up with misogyny from other women to achieve those ends? Feminists have a vetting process to weed out racists, homophobes and other personalities deemed not compatible with the social justice format, but they will not weed out misogynist women from their own movement.
I don’t think most people – feminists included – understand the full scope of what it means to reject misogyny. If you reject misogyny then you reject the assumption that it’s women’s job to meet your personal needs and make everything right for you. Rejecting misogyny means growing up and putting away the childish notion that women exist for your personal benefit. Most people can’t move past this infantile belief system and continue to treat women like nameless, faceless human resources that exist purely for their own benefit. This is particularly true on the Left where women are not allowed to focus on their own oppression and instead we are expected to solve social problems that affect men first. The Left isn’t much different than the Right with regard to women’s gynergy being up for grabs and exploited for men’s gains, and women being expected to sit down and STFU about men’s abuse, misogyny, and male supremacy.
This is even more evident when we compare the gynergy expenditure of women and non-human females of other species. Non-human females of other species are allowed to conserve their gynergy and only invest in offspring that will be able to fend for itself and be genetically successful. This also ensures that natural resources like food and water are not wasted on offspring that can’t fully participate in the ecosystem. Non-human animals also have an instinctual “cut off” point limiting the amount of time mothers spend on providing for their offspring and teaching them how to survive.
On the other hand, adult human females (women!) are expected to waste their gynergy convincing men not to harm us (something we shouldn’t have to do in the first place), on offspring that we are expected to provide for long after they reach adulthood, and picking up the slack where men can’t be bothered. I’ve blogged about how women have an inclination to keep trying to improve society. While I don’t think this is an entire waste of gynergy, it is a waste of gynergy to have to keep doing it over and over again, and long after men should have learned better by now. All of these problems appear to be human-specific since no other species on Earth is as cruel and wasteful as people are.
However, if you’re a woman who rejects misogyny then you probably already know that by now. I instinctively developed a dislike for people after years and years of misogyny from both men and women alike including my own female family members. Finding feminism gave me hope, but it made it all that much harder to come to accept that women use and discard other women just as much as men do. In fact it comes naturally to people since all they know about women is what they can get from us. Sadly, that’s all most people ever want to know, and misogynists cannot be cured no matter who they are. I used to keep making excuses for women in the back of my mind, because women do not ask for misogyny nor do they ask to internalize misogyny. As true as that is, I’m also at a point in my life where I literally cannot stomach misogyny anymore no matter who it comes from. It is disgusting to assume I should choose between my health and well being and the well being of other women knowing damn well they don’t give a fuck about me. I literally cannot do this anymore.